In the article “5 Great Ways to Tank Your Business,” featured on Inc.’s website, contributor Carey Smith takes a humorous, sarcastic approach to discussing five mistakes new startups make that can lead to business failure.

“I’ve been on the road lately, talking to people about how to grow a business and lessons learned along the way. All that discussion inspired me to approach the subject from a different angle,” says Smith in the article. “Since everybody knows that failure is the passport to success, why not help people with their ‘journey’ by enumerating some proven strategies for hitting rock bottom?”

In the article, Smith shares “five surefire ways to tank your business:”

  • Working remotely. “Your factory is in Kalamazoo but you just adore a penthouse view? Not a problem! After all, it’s not as if you need to get to know your employees,” asserts Smith in the article. When running a business, it’s imperative to get to know your employees and to be present while your business takes off so you can see how smoothly, or ineffectually, everything is running.
  • Worry-free partnership. “Want to go into business with a partner? Don’t listen to the doubters who’ll try to scare you by citing a business ‘divorce’ rate of close to 80 percent,” notes Smith in the article. “You just know you and your partner will be different.” Even if you and your partner have been best friends for years, the challenges that come with running a business can strain even the strongest relationships. Make sure you have a business “prenup” in place.
  • Keeping toxic employees. “Find you’ve accidentally hired a toxic employee? Remind yourself there are no accidents and enjoy the ride! They’re sure to spice things up for everyone with their shenanigans and schemes, and negativity is a rare quality in business that must be nurtured,” states Smith in the article. Hiring and maintaining quality employees is essential in order to run a successful business.
  • Staying the same. “Stay within your comfort zone. Progress is overrated,” says Smith in the article. As times change, new trends emerge and new innovations are introduced, your business must adapt in order to stay ahead of the competition.
  • Keeping a bootstrapped bottom line. “Ignore pesky managers when they tell you machinery needs upgrading, and employees aren’t happy,” suggests Smith in the article. “Give advisers the brush-off when they urge you to invest in a new technology or risk being ‘bricked’ by your customers.” Yes, being cautious of your budget is important. However, you must invest in quality equipment, employees and technology to run a quality business. When analyzing your expenses versus revenues, try factoring in a little extra cash to help cover any unexpected costs that may arise.

Read the entire article on common startup mistakes here.